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A Girl's Thing -- by Luisa
Rating: PG
Description: Willow needs Spike's advice.
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns all.
1.
Willow couldn't sleep. Her mind was driving her mad, swirling in a wild dance of images. Tara. Willow. Tara...Willow was afraid. Part of her wanted to embark on this new adventure with someone she was beginning to love, but at the same time she was deeply afraid of the outcome. She dreaded being hurt, her experience with Oz had taught her something dark and painful, something that she could never erase from her memory. And now there was Tara. They were good together, it seemed. Willow sometimes felt as if Tara were reading her mind somehow, admiring all that was within. One look from Tara and Willow felt things. Things she couldn't quite describe, but that she guessed were good. Magic.
The night was very long. Her alarm-clock showed her that it was 3am. Four more hours and she'd have to get up. Willow shut her eyes abruptly, willing her body to go to sleep. Her muscles relaxed, but her mind, like an angry rebel, refused to be subdued. It invited the image of Tara onto its turf and made Tara speak. "Willow.", said Tara. "Please." Willow opened her eyes. She had to speak of this to someone. She searched for a name. Buffy? No. Willow had the feeling that Buffy was the wrong person to talk to about this. She'd misunderstand, she'd be puzzled, maybe even shocked. And then perhaps jealous.
Xander? Not Xander. He was very sensitive on sexual issues, she had teased him several times about that. Willow knew that Xander had on more than one occasion been attracted to someone of the same sex, but she'd never heard an admission from his lips. A certain look on his face told her more than anything he might have said. But now it seemed Xander didn't have what it took to hear her out without judgement. There was Giles, but Willow couldn't bring herself to talk to the English Watcher about it. He was too...stuffy? Yes, maybe. Maybe even too old. She didn't like labelling people according to age but in Giles's case it was only too easy. He himself didn't wish to hear certain things.
It seemed her closest friends were just too human.
2.
Spike. Willow cringed in the darkness at the thought of the blond vampire. Suddenly she felt like laughing hysterically. She rolled on the mattress, feeling an inexplicable hilarity. Which ended abruptly, as the truth came knocking on her door.
He'd hear her out, he'd understand, he'd try to help her. Spike had lived through a lot, nothing seemed to shock him. Her crush on Tara wouldn't come as a surprise. Maybe he could even make her see the whole topic under a different light. A less serious, less glaring light. Willow smiled. She was beginning to love (with Willow it was never like or dislike, but usually love) the young vampire. He made her laugh without even trying and anyone who made Willow laugh had Willow's affection. But that was not the only reason. She could almost understand Spike's present frustration with existence. He'd been incarcerated inside a role that wasn't for him. Submission wasn't Spike's strong point, it never had been. But now there were more powerful forces at stake, Spike recognised them, but that didn't stop him from seething with rage. Willow also knew that one day he'd break loose from his bonds. She felt sad. Once he was free, their friendship would meet its end. Willow drew in her breath sharply. Friendship? Who said anything about that? It was a one-sided thing. It was a Willow thing. Spike was indifferent to her. She was "the redhead". The hacker. But not Willow. Sadness again. Well, before Spike was released, Willow wanted him to know a few things. She also wanted to ask a few things, but she'd have to wait and see for the time being.
3.
Giles' place. It seemed to Willow that she had been waiting for hours for the Watcher to leave. She hated waiting. She hated the stillness of things.
After an hour, she finally saw Giles leave. He was all dressed up, as if ready to attend some sort of charity ball or something. Willow frowned. <What's with the bow-tie?> She shrugged. Giles seemed to be going through some sort of midlife crisis lately. The process included painful excursions into his "inner youth", lots of tequilla and celebrating holidays that had once been regarded as the scourge of mankind. Buffy had more than once complained about it bitterly, but Willow was okay with whole thing. She wanted Giles to be happy and if that included his occasionally making a fool of himself, then fine. She smiled. <Weird thoughts.> Poor Giles.
On her way to Giles' front door, she stopped and had doubts. <What now?> She felt horribly nervous. Tongue-tied. Spike would arch his eyebrows and smirk at her...and then what? <Oh hell....> An image of Tara imprinted itself on Willow's brain. She suddenly felt as if Tara was taking her arm and leading her onwards. Or casting a will-power spell on her...one that actually worked. The plain, white door was in front of her. Willow frowned, and then concentrated. <Focus.> The door-handle trembled slightly and turned abruptly, making Willow jump. She had opened it. Tara would have been proud of her. And now she felt exhausted. <Great.>
4.
The sound of a TV commercial reached her ears. Spike was sitting on the couch, scowling at the TV. For some reason, he hadn't heard the door open. To Willow, it seemed strange. Vampires have great hearing...<What's wrong with him?> She hid in a shadowy corner, behind a hall table and watched him for a few minutes. Something made her feel unavoidably sorry for him. He was staring at the screen bleakly, as if questioning himself on all the things he didn't have an answer for. His new life didn't agree with him. Willow stepped into the room, with a hesitant smile. Spike was startled. He immediately lost his relaxed pose and straightened on the couch, switching off the TV.
The vampire looked almost scared and Willow felt like running away. But Spike soon recovered his old cockiness, even if to Willow, it felt somewhat fake.
"Hi.", she smiled. Spike seemed puzzled at first. Then he frowned.
"Are you gonna sit down or stand there like a bloody palm-tree?"
Willow blushed furiously and quickly sat down, looking at her shoes. She didn't notice a pair of blue eyes, smirking at her.
"Is this a social call or do you want something from me?". His eyes glinted.
Willow raised her head and looked at his face. What she saw there didn't reassure her.
"Erm...I...I...", she stammered.
"You...you...what?", he mocked.
"I wanted to ask you something." Her mind was set on getting somewhere.
"Is it something that'll give us both a happy or-"
"No!", she interrupted vehemently. "I mean...it'll give me a happy if you help me."
He was grinning. "Well, I live to give young redheads happies, so..."
Willow was crimson, she felt hot in every blood vessel on her body.
Then suddenly she almost burst into laughter. She looked downwards and tried to control an irrepressible wave of giggles that threatened to flood her throat. Spike sensed this.
"OK, Red." He got up. "If you don't mind, I'll just pop into the kitchen and get us something to drink...while you get over whatever it is you need to get over. Or something." He didn't wait for an answer.
<I hope it's soda.>, Willow thought nervously. Her whole body was cramping up in an effort not to laugh.
He came back with two beers, handing her one.
"Thanks.", she sighed. Not giggling was exhausting.
"Sorry. It's all that Tweedy-Bird has bought."
Willow burst out laughing. "T-t-tweedy b-b-bird?!"
Spike smiled. "Yeah." He sat down. "Right, let's get down to business."
Willow took a sip from her beer, a look of disgust covering her features.
"Okay...here's the thing, Spike. I...ermm...I'm...there's this girl."
He was arching his eyebrows at her, in an effort to follow.
"She....her name's Tara." He looked amused.
"What, like in Gone With the Wind?" Willow frowned.
"Yeah, but that's beside the point. Help me out here!", she was impatient.
"Okay, love." <Love?> Willow blushed again.
"Anyway, she's nice and funny and smart. And I think I'm in love with her." Short and sweet.
Spike choked on his beer. "What?" He coughed a few times, in a very un-Spike-like way.
"Yeah, I'm in love with her." Willow was pleading with him.
Spike looked dumbfounded. He set the bottle on the coffee-table with a bang.
"Right...hm...", he pondered. Was he amused? Willow tried to catch his eye.
"You're the one person I could think of who wouldn't judge me or ask me all these questions. I can't sleep till I've figured out what I'm gonna do. You've lived through a lot, you know stuff, you've probably even..."
"DON'T say it, pet! At least not in your normal voice." He cringed.
"Well, you have, haven't you?" She was desperate.
"Once. I saw life flash by me, like a bloody Road Runner cartoon."
"What, while you were..." Willow could barely believe herself.
"Yeah. I broke through the pain barrier pretty quickly." Willow cringed.
"Okay...okay...look, Spike, this is different. It's not...sex. Well, not just sex, at least."
Spike looked dubious. "What does this Tara chick look like?"
Willow flushed. "She's blonde and soft. She's wonderful." Spike smirked.
"So, it's not sex, right?"
"No!"
"Come on, pet, I'm having a hard time keeping my loins under control...and you say it's not sex?" He was making fun of her. Willow got angry.
"Look! Look...I've had enough of the Parker Abrahams lessons on life and love, OK? If you're gonna start with that attitude too, I'm out of here." She got up.
"Sit down, love. Your blood pressure's probably sky high by now." Willow deflated and sat down, looking helpless. She drank her beer, grimacing unhappily.
Spike was calmly smoking, making rings with his lips.
"Right. If it's not sex, then it's something messy." Willow looked at him, startled.
"Messy?"
"Yeah. Love's messy. Sex is kid's stuff."
"Okay...so what do I do?"
"Well, I'd say fuck her. But you don't want to hear that." Willow glared at him.
"No, I don't." Her temper was hanging by a thread.
"I guess you could..." He shrugged "Go up to her and woo her."
"Woo her?" Willow eyes almost popped out.
"Sorry, old word. Ermm...seduce her, cast a spell on her. Yeah! One of your love spells..." Willow made an impatient gesture.
"She's a witch too, so that's out of the question."
"Oh...right. Anyway, that'll sure spice things up a bit, won't it?"
"I guess. We can do things together. We have lots in common." Willow's eyes lit up. "We moved a vending machine together!"
"That's smashing. That's real bonding. The kind that makes things comfortable."
"Yeah...I could feel her strength.", Willow smiled.
"Hm...so what is it you're waiting for exactly?" Spike was puzzled.
Willow looked away. "I'm not waiting...I'm just afraid that I'll...get hurt."
Spike sighed. "Pet, she moved a vending machine with you. The chick digs you."
Willow looked up, full of hope. "You think?" Spike grinned.
"Sure! Who wouldn't? I mean, if I wasn't a mean, old vampire with some metal thing in his brain and a taste for psychotic chicks, I'd have a lunge at you myself."
Willow was uneasy. "That's great. Hm...thanks, Spike.", she smiled.
"So, how are you gonna do the deed?"
"What deed?" Spike sighed.
"How are you gonna do her? She's probably waiting for you to make the first move. Women always are."
"Well...maybe I could invite her over to watch The Craft...?"
Spike frowned. "Nah. It sucks. Hm...how about going up to her and planting a big kiss on her lips?" He smiled, as if relishing the image.
Willow looked startled. "What? I can't do that!" She cringed. "She'd...back away."
She gazed at Spike, waiting for a magical solution. He looked thoughtful, as if pondering on something that had just occured to him.
"Pet, come and sit down here. I can barely hear you."
Willow didn't like the sound of that. "Spike, I'm a meter away from you. What is it you can't hear?"
Spike frowned. "Just do it, Willow." She frowned and reluctantly did as he asked. Before she had actually managed to make herself comfortable on Giles' Turkish pillows, Spike was grabbing her by the shoulders and kissing her. She was so astounded that it took her a long time to react. "There!" He was triumphant. Willow's head was in orbit.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?!". She wasn't pleased.
Spike shrugged, totally at ease. "Just showing you how to do it. A demonstration is worth a thousand words, love.", he smiled.
"That was...I...Oh man!" Willow was staring at him, totally confused.
"Smashing.", he offered. Then he got up, whistling something. "Pet, I think you're ready. The Tara chick won't know what hit her."
"I don't know what hit me...", Willow murmured. She gulped down some beer and got up. <Maybe he's right. It's not that hard....> She stood there for a minute, looking at him. A crazy notion came into her head. She felt like hugging him. But she did nothing. <I'm nuts.> She smiled. "Thanks, Spike." He waved away her words.
"Just come over and let me know about the grand finale later on. Oh and the town's gossip too. I'm missing out on all the action." He had a thought. "Bring some vodka."
"Spike, I'm under-age."
"Borrow it from your 'rents. They won't mind." He was totally sure of himself.
Willow grinned. "OK. See you tomorrow." She hesitated, then opened the door and stepped out, still smiling.
Spike chuckled and plopped down on the couch, just in time for Melrose Place.
"I should make a living out of this..."
The End
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