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The Sad Still Music of Humanity Series - Aftermath -- by Ruby
Rating: R
Description: Is anybody sorry, or are we all just mad?, sequel to Resistance Yields.
Disclaimer: Joss owns all.
"Please stay," Angel said as Willow pulled on her shirt.
"I can't. I don't belong here," she told him.
"You belong wherever you want to be," he argued.
She looked up at him, "Right now, I want to be with Spike. Don't be angry. I can't help how I feel."
"I'm not angry with you. I just think being with him isn't good for you," he replied.
"Yes, it is. I know how much you two hate each other, but he loves me, Angel. He really does," she explained.
"And you love him? Or is it more a matter of possession, sire and childe?" he asked.
"I goes way beyond that, and you know it. These feelings began long before he became my sire," she reminded him.
"Will you tell him about--us?" Angel asked.
She shrugged, "I don't know, probably. He'll be furious, but he'll understand."
"He'll never understand," he warned her. "He'll see it as a betrayal."
"Possibly, at first, but I'll make him understand. I've never kept secrets from him. I'm not going to start now."
"He'll undo everything we've accomplished," he told her.
"The only thing we accomplished was to set my mind straight. I don't want to be that person. I don't like her. She lets people hurt her, and she'd open me up to that again. I can't do that," Willow said.
"I'm not giving up," he stated.
Willow smiled, "I didn't think you would."
"Do something for me," he asked.
"If I can."
"Don't feed from him. It's bad for you," he said.
She shook her head, "I can't make that promise. He doesn't force me. I do it because I want to."
"Of course you do! What childe would turn down an offer of her sire's blood? How long have you been drinking from him?"
"Since he made me," she answered. "But more frequently since our visit to the Hellmouth."
"That's crazy, Willow! You talk about being your own person. It'll never happen as long as he feeds you!"
"I'd be crazy to turn him down!" she replied. "What childe would? I haven't been in this unlife for very long, but I know enough to understand that a sire doesn't make such an offer."
"You're damn right he doesn't. You'll never be free of him as long as you let him maintain that hold on you!"
"I don't want my freedom. I want him," she said.
"More than you want yourself?" he asked.
"I gave myself to him, willingly. He is my freedom. He gives me everything I need," she stated.
"No," he took her hand. "You don't believe that. You wouldn't have come to my bed if you did."
"Don't make me regret that I did," she snapped. "I care for you. I probably always will, but I can't be yours."
"Willow," he moaned as she turned toward the door.
"I'm sorry, Angel. I really am. I came here because I needed your understanding. I was wrong to do that."
"You weren't wrong. You're wrong to walk out that door, but I can't stop you," he said.
Willow whirled and moved back as the door suddenly burst open. Spike took one step inside and scowled at the two before him.
"What the hell do you think you're doing here?" he snarled at Willow.
"Leaving," she answered softly. "Spike, we need--"
"I need to rearrange his face and chain you to my wrist," he snapped. "I spent all of last night and half of this evening looking for you, and all the time you were here doing him."
"That isn't true. Willow only arrived here just before dawn," Angel told him. "She needed to talk."
"I'll bet she did. She could have 'talked' to me," he shouted.
"You won't listen to her! You don't want to hear anything about her human--"
"You're bloody right I don't!" he grabbed Angel by the collar. "You pussy-whipped bastard! She's mine. You can't get it up for your blonde bitch anymore, so you decide to play with what's mine!"
"Shut up!" Willow yelled.
They turned to look at her.
"Damn the both of you!" she seethed. "I can think for myself!"
"Willow, you're my childe," Spike told her.
"If I hear that one more time, I'm going to rip out your large intestine and strangle you with it!" she growled.
"Willow," Spike pulled her towards him.
"No!" she shouted and flung him away.
Spike landed against the doorjamb and winced as his head smacked into the casing.
"Are you hurt?" Willow asked.
"No," he rubbed the back of his head.
"Damn," she spat. "Tell you what, why don't you two stay here and beat each other senseless. That shouldn't take more than a couple of seconds, since you don't have enough sense between the two of you to stick in a shot glass."
Angel put a calming hand on her shoulder, "Willow, take it easy."
"Shut the fuck up!" she snapped. "I listened to you. I did what you asked. Now, you listen to me. I'm not interested in becoming an angst-ridden little whelp! I'm not going to go groveling back to those bastards and beg their forgiveness! If you can't deal with that, tough shit! I'm leaving."
She brushed past Spike and turned to fix him with an icy glare," And if you follow me--either of you--I'll tear off your cock and run it up the flagpole on Buckingham Palace."
The two vampires stood in stunned silence as she stormed out of the flat.
Angel sank down onto the sofa and ran a hand through his hair, "I've lost her."
"You never had her, you prick," Spike snarled. "We were fine until you showed up. Go back to Sunnyhell. Teach the slayer how to jerk you off. Just get the fuck out of this city, and don't come back!"
Angel stared at him coldly, "Us? What makes you think you have her, either? I don't see her waiting around for you."
"Up yours," Spike barked and left Angel alone in the darkness.
"Spike," Willow's soft voice spoke from across the courtyard.
He turned to her, relief sinking into his brain and etching his handsome face.
"Willow," he reached out to her.
He gathered her into his arms and buried his face in her neck.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I had to get away from both of you. It's too much. I feel like I'm being torn apart."
"I know. I haven't made this easy for you," he admitted. "I love you, baby. I can't lose you."
She pulled back and looked up at him, "You won't lose me. I wish you'd believe that."
He shook his head, "It doesn't matter. You're here now."
"It does matter," she told him. "And you may hate me after you hear what I have to tell you."
Spike stared at Willow in cold silence. She stared back in stubborn defiance.
"Go ahead, say it. I'm a whore," she said.
"That isn't what I was thinking," he told her. "Why did you do it?"
"I don't know. I probably shouldn't have gone there in the first place, but I had to know. I got scared, and it just happened," she said.
"He wanted it to happen. Did you?"
"I don't think so. I don't know. Maybe," she answered. "I got scared. He held me. I reacted."
"Pretty clinical evaluation, considering you just crawled out of bed with the one man I despise most in the world," he told her.
Her eyes remained fixed on his, "I realize that. Do you want me to leave?"
Spike looked away from her, "Right now, I don't know what I want, Willow. I want for this to never have happened."
She shrugged, "Decisions don't come with automatic rewind. It shouldn't have happened, but I can't undo it. It isn't like he fucked me, not really."
"Isn't it?" he asked. "Feels the same. I don't know if I can deal with this. I need time."
"You've got it," she consented icily and walked out of the courtyard.
The End
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