Plagued--Why Us? Series - Hallucinogenic Garlic -- by Ruby


Rating: PG-13

Description: Willow has garlic breath, sequel to Nuts.

Note: Dedication -- For daria, who sent this wonderfully looney suggestion.:-)

Disclaimer: Joss owns all.


Willow stood outside Spike's apartment, debating over whether or not she really wanted to knock on the door. She had phoned the blonde vampire earlier in the day to tell him about the research session at Giles' place. They had agreed to go together and tell the others about their relationship.

Now, however, Willow was having second thoughts. Although Spike and Buffy had reached an uneasy truce over the past months, she would be less than thrilled to learn that Willow and Spike had been seeing each other secretly. And Giles--the redhead didn't even want to think about how he would react.

She jumped as the door suddenly opened, and Spike looked out at her.

"Hello, luv. Did you come over just to stare at my door?" he asked with a grin. "It's a nice door, but still--"

"Oh, shut up," she murmured good-naturedly, and he chuckled and pulled her inside.

"Spike, I'm not so sure we should tell--"

Her statement was silenced by the mouth that descended on hers. Their lips met, and Spike felt a burning sensation jolt though him as her tongue entered his mouth. His hands dropped from her waist, and he stepped back.

"Spike?" Willow asked, her brow creased with concern.

"What have you been eating?"

"I had some spaghetti, but that was an hour ago," she answered. "And I brushed my teeth and--"

"Garlic," he mumbled, running his tongue over his tingling lips.

"I'm sorry!" she gasped.

He smiled as her green eyes followed the path of his tongue as it trailed over his lips.

"Come here," he whispered, wrapping his arms around her again.

"You sure?"

"I'm sure," he nodded. "I can stand a few sparks."

She laughed softly as his lips reclaimed hers. His tongue slipped between her teeth, and he pushed the slight pain out of his mind as her body found its natural fit against his.

Willow finally drew away from him as her need to breath pulled at her lungs. Spike's blue eyes were fixed on the red tresses that framed her face, and he cocked his head to one side in amazement.

"When did you learn how to glow?" he asked her.

"Glow? Me? What are you talking about?"

"It's pretty. I like it," he told her, reaching out to run his fingers through her hair. "It isn't hot, though."

"Spike, what are you talking about?" she asked again, stepping away until the door hit her back.

"Oooh...it glows even better from back there," he smiled. "Your body is all wriggly, though. Sexy as all hell, but wriggly."

Willow reached out to touch his cheek, "Are you okay? You aren't making any sense."

"No, baby, come look," he took her hand and led her to the bedroom, turning her to face the mirror he had hung from the wall just for her.

"See?"

"See what? What am I supposed to be seeing?" she asked, turning her head to look back at him.

"Your hair! It's glowing, pet! Bright red with wonderful orange sparkles. How do you do that?"

"I'm not," she looked into the mirror again, just to make sure. "Spike, my hair isn't glowing!"

He wobbled a little as he grinned and rested his chin on her shoulder, staring at her sole reflection in the mirror.

"You sparkle like diamonds," he whispered.

He placed a peck on her soft cheek, then turned on his heel and headed out of the bedroom. She trotted after him to find him opening the front door. He waved his hand as if inviting someone in.

"We were just coming to talk to you," the vampire spoke to the air.

"Spike?" Willow spoke.

"Don't look so surprised, slayer," Spike grinned. "Where did you think she was all those nights when you couldn't find her?"

Willow walked over to stand directly in front of him, "Slayer?? Buffy isn't here."

"How can I explain this so you'll understand it?" the vampire asked as he looked over the redhead's shoulder. "We've been seeing a lot of each other. Well, all of each other, if you really want to know."

Willow put her hands on Spike's shoulders and looked up into his eyes, "Buffy isn't here! Spike, what the hell is wrong with you?"

"I haven't forced her into anything," Spike growled at his invisible guest. "Tell her Willow. Have we or have we not been shagging each other of our own free will?"

The redhead, unsure of what to do, turned around to look at the empty air Spike was addressing.

"Hear that?" Spike continued. "She's here because she wants to be."

Willow sighed in exasperation and turned around to face him, "Spike! Look at me!"

He smiled and pulled her into his arms, planting his lips immovably upon hers.

"You're glowing again," he chuckled. "See that, slayer? Would she be glowing if she didn't love me?"

"Hey! I never said I loved you!" Willow shouted.

"What the hell do you mean, that proves nothing? Would she feel so soft in my arms if she didn't love me? Would her lips match mine like they do? Would she make me want to die--again--when she's in my bed?"

"Oh, Spike," Willow purred softly, running her hand over his cold cheek.

"You wouldn't know love if it crawled under your skirt and bit your ass, you bloody bitch," he growled at the absent slayer.

Willow's hand fell away, and she shook her head and shoved him down onto the couch. He reached up and pulled her onto him.

"Give me your tongue again, pet. I like it when you glow for me."

"Garlic," Willow murmured. "It must be the garlic. No more smoochies, Spike."

"Why not?" he asked sadly.

"It's the garlic. There must have been something wrong with it. It was probably planted by clowns in a crow-infested garden tended by frog-chasing squirrels," she grumbled.

"My poor baby. Those squirrels hurt you, luv," the vampire whispered, red tears welling up in his eyes.

"That was a week ago, remember? I'm all better now," she told him.

"Spike, it's the garlic. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"I'll make it better," he promised, completely ignoring what she was trying to tell him.

Spike lifted her up and carried her to the bathroom. He closed the drain in the bathtub and turned on one of the two knobs before turning to Willow and reaching for her.

"NO!" she shrieked. "Spike, I'm all better now! You don't need to--"

Lifting her up in one strong arm, he whirled her around to the tub and dumped her into the cold water, clothes and all. The air rushed from her lungs in a shocked shudder as the frigid water soaked through her clothes to her skin. Spike, also fully dressed, climbed in after her and straddled her legs as he hauled her body next to his. She curled her hand around his shirt collar and shoved him backwards. His head disappeared under the still-running water, and his body shook violently before she dragged him back out.

"What the bloody hell are you doing?!?" he shouted angrily.

"What am _I_ doing?" she yelled back. "You've spent the last half hour kissing me until I thought my lips would fall off, talking to someone who isn't even here, and trying to drown me, you undead idiot!"

Spike stared at her as she glowered at him. She stood up and splashed her way out of the tub and out of the bathroom, and he shut off the water, scrambled out after her and ran into the living room. They studied each other for a long moment as water pooled on the carpet under their feet. Willow's eyes traveled from Spike's drenched pants and shirt that clung to his hard body, up to his face which dripped water from his nose and his chin, and further up to his hair which was sticking up like blonde porcupine quills. Her shoulders shook as she laughed at the pathetic sight.

Spike's mouth quirked into a grin, and he dragged her into his arms. "No more garlic for you, little one. Not ever," he whispered.

"I promise," she agreed.

"What do we do now? Do we dry off and go track down the slayer or not?" he asked her.

She drew back slightly and their eyes locked as their individual brains recalled the unreal conversation he'd had with Buffy.

"Not," their voices chorused resolutely.

The End

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