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I Change but I Cannot Die Series - Are You In There? -- by Ruby
Rating: PG-13
Description: Angel goes in search of Xander, sequel to The Pleasures of Your Company.
Disclaimer: Joss own everything. I'm just playing in his toybox.
"I knew something was wrong," Buffy sighed. "I've felt it for days, and I didn't do anything about it. Now Xander's missing."
"That doesn't mean anything's wrong," Angel told her.
"Doesn't it? Kirsten said she hasn't heard from him since he disappeared from outside the restaurant. Why would he wander off and leave the car trunk open? She also told me about the dream she had--vampires."
Angel turned away from her to gather his thoughts.
"Angel, is there something you're not telling me?" she asked from behind him.
"No," he answered. "I'd help you if I could. You know that."
"Yes, I do. Giles hasn't come up with anything, either. I'm going out to see if I can turn up anything. Will you help?" she asked. He turned back to her. There was a time when she wouldn't have had to ask that question.
"Look, I know Xander isn't your favorite person in the world, but he's my friend," she said.
"Of course I'll help, Buffy," he told her.
She smiled up at him, "Thank you. We can start at the restaurant and--"
"It might be better if we split up. We could cover more ground," he suggested.
"Oh. Sure, okay. That's works," she said.
"I'll let you know if I find out anything I should pass along," he promised.
"Willow," Angel spoke as she came out the front door.
"Angel, what are you doing here? Spike and I were just leaving," she told him.
"Better eat close to home," he warned her. "Buffy's scouring the streets tonight."
"I think we can sidestep the slayer," she replied.
"He's here, isn't he?" Angel asked.
"Who?"
"Xander. He's disappeared, just like Kirsten did. Buffy asked me to help her find him. Where is he?" he said.
Willow shrugged, "How should I know?"
He placed a hand on her arm, "Don't do this."
She shook him off and stepped back, "I don't know what you mean."
"Xander's missing. You took him," he stated.
"Xander could get lost looking in the closet for his shoes," Willow snapped. "Don't expect me to help you find him because I don't intend to. With any luck, the bastard's fallen off the edge of the Hellmouth."
"Damn it, Willow. I know you're lying. Look at me," he demanded.
"Go away," she insisted, refusing to meet his eyes.
"No. Listen, I know you and Xander parted ways a long time ago, but you never would have hurt him. You don't have to hurt him now. Are you going to be able to deal with the knowledge that you destroyed someone you used to care about?"
"I destroy people every night. It's called feeding," she told him.
"I'm not talking about the demon. I'm talking about you. I can teach you how to balance the two. It doesn't have to be one or the other. What about your human element?"
"The remnant," she sneered.
Angel looked down at her and silently damned Spike. Her sire must have been working double-time to try to stifle Willow's humanity.
"The remnant," he spoke and turned her toward him. "Don't ignore it. It's a part of what you are."
"It makes me weak," she told him. "I hate it!"
"No, the demon hates it. Can you still remember who you used to be? That warm, sensitive, caring girl."
"Who got trampled and kicked around like an old newspaper on the sidewalk," Willow said. "Angel, I'm not her. Not anymore."
"Kindness isn't a weakness," he argued. "Don't kill Xander for the hell of it. Let me help, Willow. I want to help. I care about you."
She rested her hands on his arms, "You don't understand."
"I understand better than anyone," he pulled her close to him. "I have to deal with it every day of my existence, and it isn't easy, but it isn't all bad, either. No one will ever understand you the way I do."
Willow leaned against him and listened to the gentle voice inside her head begging her to trust Angel. He stroked her hair and placed a kiss on her head.
"Willow," he whispered. "I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to be going through this. I wish I could make it stop for you. I can't, but I can make it easier. If you'll let me."
"I don't know how," she admitted.
"Tell me where he is. I'll take care of everything else. I'll protect you, keep you safe. I promise."
"Isn't this cozy," Spike's voice said from the doorway.
Willow started and pulled away from Angel. Her sire gripped her arm and pulled her behind him.
"Leave her alone, Angel," he snarled.
Angel took a step toward him, "If you hurt her--"
Spike laughed, "Her hurt? Baby, have I ever hurt you?"
"No," Willow answered in a small, quiet voice.
"You'll destroy her if you keep this up," Angel told him.
"She's stronger than she's ever been, and you know it. Gets right up your ass, doesn't it? You'd love to sentence her to an eternity of turmoil so you wouldn't have to be alone in your misery. It isn't going to happen," Spike said.
Angel refused to be drawn into a verbal battle in front of Willow, "Just tell me what you've done with Xander. That's all I want right now."
"If I had the little sod, I wouldn't turn him over to you," Spike replied.
"Willow? Please?" Angel said.
Spike pressed his palm to her face and kissed her. His blue eyes stared into hers, and he grinned as he saw the familiar amber light flicker back at him. She kissed his hand and smiled.
"Can we go eat now?" she asked.
Angel forced a sigh from his empty lungs, "I'll find him myself."
"I wouldn't go snooping about if I were you," Spike warned him. "The boys can be very territorial."
"Go home, Angel. Go back to your blonde bitch. Xander isn't here," Willow spoke.
Angel nodded, "We're not through with this. I'll get to him, and I won't give up on you, Willow."
Spike felt his childe's trembling hand reach for his as Angel turned and left them on the hilltop.
The End
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