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I Can't Leave You -- by Ruby
Rating: R
Description: Angel clears up a misunderstanding.
Note: Spoilers -- Graduation 1&2. This story begins where Graduation 2 ends. Dedication -- For Alicia, who challenged me to write a fic about what would happen if Angel really hadn't been mistaking Willow for Buffy during that luscious little scene in Grad 2. I had so much fun answering her last challenge, I could hardly refuse this one.:-)
Disclaimer: Joss owns all.
Angel wandered around the dark and lonely mansion. He didn't know exactly when it was that Sunnydale had become home, but the idea of leaving was proving to be more difficult that he would have liked. He walked to the bedroom and stared down at the empty bed upon which he had so recently suffered.
"She didn't hear me," he said to himself.
Ever since he had first decided to leave town, he had wrestled with whether or not to tell the little redhead his true feelings. When he thought he was going to loose her forever, when he had awakened to her worried, green eyes, held her small hand in his, the words had flowed, unbidden, from his lips.
He wasn't surprised she assumed he had thought, in a state of delirium, that she was Buffy. It had taken hell's tortures to open his eyes to the wonders of Willow, and he had taken great pains to conceal his true feelings, for her sake as well as for Buffy's. But in facing his death--his true, final death--he was driven to tell her.
Even after he realized she thought he was talking about the slayer, he had tried to tell her she was wrong. It was Willow, had been Willow, for longer than she could possibly have known. He had asked her where Buffy was, wanting desperately to tell the redhead how he felt before the slayer returned, but the pain that wracked his brain and exhausted his body had claimed him before he could make her understand. After Buffy had cured him, Oz had been firmly planted by the little witch's side, and the war against the mayor had consumed everyone's thoughts.
And now, it was over. He was leaving Sunnydale, leaving her, and he was faced with the same prospect of never seeing her again.
"Tell her," his mind screamed. Perhaps she would reject him. Perhaps she would tell him to get his brooding ass out of town and never come back. But maybe, just maybe, she would open herself to the possibility of loving him, too. They had survived a battle that, by rights, should have destroyed them all. He had been handed another chance to tell her.
He'd be damned if he was going to walk away from it.
Willow turned from her computer as a soft rap sounded from her window. She crossed the room and drew the curtain aside, fully expecting to see Buffy. What she saw instead made her eyes widen and her lips part slightly in obvious surprise.
"Angel!" she said, standing aside to invite him in. "I thought you would have been gone by now. Buffy said--"
"I know," he nodded. "I couldn't, not yet. Willow, I need to talk to you."
"Okay," she agreed.
"I wasn't sure you'd still be up. It's been a hell of a day for you, but I saw your light on," he began awkwardly.
"Couldn't sleep. Too keyed up," she explained.
"That's understandable," he said.
"Angel, are you okay?" she asked, turning those wonderful green eyes to his. "You were so sick--"
"I'm fine, now," he assured her. "Actually, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. Is it safe? I mean, are your parents--"
"They're out of town, some convention or other, which is good a good thing, considering what's been going on here."
"I would have thought they could have been here for your graduation," the vampire said, considerably annoyed.
"I'm glad they weren't. Besides the whole Ascension thing, I would have had to survive my parents pretending to be enthused and proud and all that stuff. They mean well, I guess. They just haven't got a clue."
Angel grinned, relieved that their absence wasn't a disappointment to her.
"Um...you wanted to talk...about being sick?" she reminded him.
"Yes," he nodded.
"I'm glad you're better now, by the way," she added.
"Thanks. Why don't you sit down?" he suggested uneasily. She plopped down on the edge of the bed, and Angel pulled the chair in front of her desk over and sat down facing her.
"I'm not really sure how to say this, so I'm just going to plow right through it," he began.
She waited patiently, her eyes settled on his.
"You remember those things I said to you--at my place--when you were watching over me?"
"Oh, yeah," she nodded, lowering her eyes in embarrassment. "Look, don't let that bother you. I know you thought--"
"No, you don't know," he stopped her. "I meant what I said. I knew you weren't Buffy. I was talking to you, Willow. The things I said were meant for you."
Her eyes flew to his, "What? But you said you were wrong. You said you needed--"
"You," he finished. "I needed you. Need you."
"What for?" she asked innocently.
Angel couldn't help the soft laughter that drifted from his lips. She was so amazingly--Willow. He took her hands in his and started again, "When I said I was wrong, I meant I was wrong about not telling you before then. I was wrong about deciding to leave Sunnydale without telling you. I was dying, and I was so afraid you'd never know"
"I'd never know what? Angel, I don't understand."
"I love you, Willow."
"I love you, too, Angel," she responded with a casual smile.
"No. I mean I love you," he said and paused to lean forward and place a soft, lingering kiss on her lips before adding, "like that."
She stared at him in mute shock for several moments before the power of speech returned. "You...you..."
"I love you," he repeated. "I have loved you for a long time. I just wasn't sure I should tell you or whether you'd even want to know."
"But Buffy--"
"Yes, there was Buffy to consider, as well, but we've been falling apart for a long time, now. It was never the same after she plunged that sword into me." He held up a hand to stop her oncoming protest and continued, "I don't blame her. She was doing what she had to do. But it made a difference, Willow. It had to. We tried to move on, but then, on top of everything else, I found myself falling in love with you, and I just didn't have the will to fight for our relationship. I decided to leave Sunnydale as much for you as for her. It was too hard keeping up the facade. But when I thought I was dying, and then later, after we defeated the mayor, I knew I couldn't leave without telling you how I feel."
"I don't know what to say," she told him.
"Is it impossible?" he asked her. "Are my feelings for you hopelessly one-sided?"
"I don't know," she answered honestly. "I'm with Oz. He loves me."
"And you love him. Forever?"
"Angel, I don't know," she repeated.
"Are you willing to find out?"
"Are you saying you're not leaving town?" she asked.
"No, I'm leaving. It's time. I'm going to L.A., Willow. You could come with me," he suggested.
"Just pack up and leave? Just like that?"
"Okay, how about for the summer, then? If you decide it won't work, you could be back here for fall classes," he answered.
"But there's Oz and Buffy and everyone else to consider," she reminded him.
"Maybe I'm making this sound too easy," he admitted. "All I know is that we could have easily lost everything tonight. I guess the smell of death always brings a kind of clarity of perception. I want, more than anything else, to be with you. If there's any chance you could feel the same way, don't you think it's important to find out?"
"I--I guess so," she agreed. "But to go off to L.A. with you--what would I tell everyone?"
"Tell them whatever you like. Tell them you're going with me, or tell them you're taking a vacation. How about this--you come to L.A with me for a week," he suggested.
"Just a week?" she said.
He nodded, "Just a week. If that week feels okay, stay for another one. If not, come back to Sunnydale. Take it just a week at a time."
"Well," she murmured, considering the possibility.
"Wouldn't a week away from here be nice, after what we've been through?" he asked.
"Yeah," she agreed. "Just a week."
"Just a week," he smiled. "Unless you decide to stay longer."
"Well, okay. I guess I could go for a week," she consented. "I'd need to pack and let my parents know."
"I sent the few things I have on ahead," he responded. "I can wait one more night. We could leave tomorrow."
"All right, just for a week," she repeated.
He leaned toward her and kissed her again, pleased to find that, while she didn't exactly return the kiss, neither did she pull away. "I'll pick you up tomorrow night at eight?" he asked.
"Okay," she agreed, uncertainty still present in her voice.
Willow stood in front of the wide windows that opened out onto the terrace of Angel's penthouse apartment. Gazing out across the city as the sun began to rise had become a favorite activity after only four days' time.
"How did you ever find this place?" she asked.
"I have my sources," Angel smiled as he lifted a remote and punched a button.
Heavy drapes unfurled and drew themselves over the windows shielding the apartment from the waking sun's rays.
"You're like a kid with a toy. You realize that, don't you?" she grinned.
"You know what else this kid likes?" he asked, walking over to her and pulling her into his arms.
"Angel," she said uncertainly.
"I'd never hurt you. You know that," he told her.
"I know," she nodded.
He raised her chin and placed a soft kiss on her lips that quickly deepened as his tongue darted between her teeth. Involuntarily, Willow's hand curled around his neck, and her fingers wove themselves through his hair.
"Angel," she whispered as he broke the kiss to allow her to breathe. "I can't--"
"It's only a kiss. I'm not asking for anything more," he reassured her.
"Oh," she breathed in relief.
"Yet," he added with a grin that melted her heart. She turned slightly as someone knocked on the door.
"Are you expecting someone?" she asked.
"Actually, yes, I am," he answered, releasing her from his embrace.
He opened the door, and Willow gaped as Cordelia floated into the living room.
"Cordy?" she squeaked.
"Hey, Willow," the brunette smiled and looked at Angel. "You haven't told her?"
"I hadn't gotten around to it."
"Told me what?" Willow asked, her eyes darting from Cordelia to Angel.
"I've moved to L.A.," Cordelia told her. "I'm going to be helping Angel out while I try to land an acting job. Don't laugh."
"I'm not laughing," Willow answered. "You've always looked like movie star material to me."
Cordelia smiled at the sincerity in the redhead's voice. "Anyway, I'm in the apartment below yours," she said.
"How long have you two been planning this?" Willow asked.
"Not very long. I'd been considering leaving Sunnydale even before we graduated. I mean, it's not exactly a place I want to grow old and die in, or die young in, for that matter. When Buffy told me Angel had moved here--"
"Buffy knows you're here?" Willow asked Angel.
"Yes. I let her know," he answered.
"She doesn't know you are, though," Cordelia added.
"You don't look surprised to see me here, though. Why is that?" Willow inquired.
"Buffy suggested I contact Angel and tell him I was coming. He told me you were here, too."
"It's just a little vacation, a few days away from home," Willow said quickly.
"Right," she said with a smile of disbelief. "Anyway, I told Angel I decided it was definitely time to leave Sunnydale behind. So, we worked out an arrangement. I'm going to help him out, and he's going to keep me in clothes, shelter, and food--in that order."
"Excuse me," Willow requested, plopping down onto a chair. "I'm just going to pass out for a minute."
"Angel, I'd love a cup of coffee, no sugar," Cordelia said.
"Right," he nodded knowingly and left them alone.
"Are you going to tell Buffy that I'm here?" Willow asked her as Cordy sat down across from her.
"It isn't any of her business, is it?" the brunette responded. "She won't hear it from me."
Willow was staring at her as if she'd grown a chartreuse shell, "But, you hate me."
"No, I don't. The way I look at it, Xander would never have--well, you know--if something hadn't been wrong between us to begin with. And it isn't as if he was the great love of my life, God forbid," she answered with her patented smirk. "As far as I'm concerned, you probably did me a favor. And he came out of it the loser, not me. After facing that demon mayor and all, I realized there are more important things than holding useless grudges. Like friends. We were friends, once. Kind of. Weren't we?"
"Yeah," Willow nodded.
"So maybe it's time to bury the past and move on," she suggested. "If you're willing."
"Oh, yeah, definitely willing," the redhead nodded enthusiastically.
"Good. I figure we'd better, if you're going to be here with Angel."
"I'm not 'with' Angel," Willow argued.
"What _do_ you call this little arrangement?" she asked.
"A vacation," she answered.
"With Angel," Cordy added. "In his apartment. A situation he doesn't look too upset about, by the way."
Willow blushed and looked down at her hands, "Uh... he hasn't, you know, talked to you about me, has he?"
"Only like non-stop, every time I've seen him since I got here yesterday. It's pretty obvious he's crazy about you, which is a refreshing change from being Buffy's broodboy. He decided last night we'd better let you know I'm here before we bumped into each other."
"You won't tell anyone else I'm here, will you?" Willow asked uneasily.
"Like I said, it's none of their business," she said and then grinned.
"Of course, they're going to figure it out when you don't go back."
"But I am going back," Willow protested.
"Uh huh. He told me you'd only agreed to stay for a week. What have you got left--a couple of days? Have you made arrangements to go back to Sunnydale?"
"Well, no," the redhead admitted uncomfortably.
"Have you seen the way he looks at you?"
"I try not to notice," she answered.
Cordelia laughed and shook her head, "Even when we had our--differences, I never thought of you as a fool. You must know how he feels about you. He's told you hasn't he?"
"Yes, but there are other people to consider," Willow insisted.
"What other people--Oz, Buffy?" Cordelia asked as Angel returned and handed them each a cup of coffee. She plowed on ahead, regardless. "If I walked away with nothing else from the rubble that was once Sunnydale High, I walked away with this--life doesn't hand you any guarantees. And it usually doesn't hand you the second chance we got, either. I'm not saying you should turn your back on the people you care about, but you shouldn't turn your back on what you want or need just for their sakes, either. Maybe you don't know what you want, yet, or maybe you do. Either way, you deserve happiness as much as anyone else. Life is too damn short to play the martyr, Willow."
Willow looked over at Angel, who was staring intently back at her. "If you could possibly want him as much as he wants you," Cordy continued. "Then you deserve that, just as much as the friends you're so concerned about do. And if they're really your friends, it's what they'd want for you."
She stood up and walked over to the door, still clutching the cup of coffee. "And now, I'm leaving. I've got some serious power-shopping planned. Thanks for the plastic, Angel," she smiled and let herself out.
"Well, I'll never see that cup again," Angel spoke.
Willow giggled, and he pulled her up out of the chair and into his arms.
"How would you feel about a drive to Echo Park Lake tonight?" he asked.
"I'd like that," she nodded.
He took her chin in his hand and turned her face up to his, "Stay another week? Please?"
Her eyes studied his face, and her lips curved into a smile, "Okay."
"In my room this time?" he added.
"Angel--"
"Okay, pushing it. I know," he grinned. "Can't blame me for trying."
"Angel," she repeated more firmly.
"What?"
"Kiss me."
"Oh."
Angel's eyes came wide open at the quiet movement near the door of his room. The scowl on his face shifted into a small grin as Willow's scent drifted across the room to him. He turned on his side to face her as she approached the bed.
"Angel," she whispered.
"What is it, love?"
"I can't sleep," she said. "Can I...um...maybe..."
"Come here," he smiled, reaching up for her and moving over slightly to pull her down beside him.
He put his arms around her and kissed her forehead. "It's hard sleeping during the day when you're not used to it," she told him.
"I suppose it must be," he agreed. "I should have gotten you home earlier."
"No, I like wandering around the city with you at night," she said.
"So, you think you could get used to L.A.?" he asked.
She looked up at him, "I want to stay. Here. With you."
"Willow," he murmured happily and raised her chin to kiss her.
"Would it be okay with you if we just slept, for today?"
"Anything you want, baby. I'm content just to hold you," he answered.
This time, it was Willow who initiated a soft kiss. He opened his lips to her, allowing her to slip her tongue inside and explore the cold recesses of his mouth. She drew away, panting softly.
"Angel?"
"Yes, love."
"Would it be okay with you if I changed me mind?" she asked with a impish twinkle in her eyes.
"If you insist," he grinned back at her.
He moved over her, carefully tucking her body under his, and she lifted her arms as he pulled the oversized Looney Tunes t-shirt over her head. He tossed it to the floor and gently dragged her panties down her legs and dropped them next to the t-shirt. Her hands drifted to the waistband of his sweatpants, and he helped her remove them, kicking them out of the bed, before lowering his hard body back down onto her.
Willow's lips were soft and warm, waiting for his kiss. His tongue delved swiftly into her mouth as his hands stroked the velvety skin of her inner thigh. She cried softly against his lips as his hand parted her folds and his fingers brushed against her clitoris.
The scent of her juices assaulted his senses as they flowed from her core, wetting her, preparing her body for his. Gently, slowly, he inserted a finger into her channel, this thumb rubbing against her erect bundle of nerves. His tongue followed the rhythm of his fingers as he drove her slowly toward her first climax. He felt her stomach tighten as her muscles clamped around his fingers, and she tore her mouth away from his as she groaned out his name. Her orgasm was sweet, and he drew it out, placing cool kisses along her throat and between her breasts as she panted under him, regaining her breath.
He removed his finger from within her and slid his hard shaft into her slickened passage. She wrapped her legs around his waist as he thrust into her, and his fingers resumed their agonizingly wonderful assault on her clit. She nipped gently at his shoulder and brought her hips up to meet him, matching his movements thrust for thrust.
She fought back the second orgasm that begged to overtake her, waiting for him to join her. He groaned her name, and she buried her hands in his hair as he lowered his mouth to her neck. He growled and bit carefully into her skin. Willow rocketed into a blinding orgasm, keening loudly as his seed flooded her womb.
Angel slipped out of her as he placed feather-light kisses along her sweaty brow. He lowered himself down beside her and drew her snuggly against him, burrowing one hand into the thick locks of her hair while the other rested firmly against her buttock.
"If you knew how long I've waited, wanted," he whispered softly to her.
"You are more wonderful than any fantasy I could ever imagine. I love you, Willow."
"These past two weeks have been so incredible," she responded, her warm breath caressing his chest. "You've been so patient and understanding and willing to listen. You know, it would not have been possible to not fall in love with you."
Angel grinned in the darkness, untangling her words, "Then it was worth the wait."
"How would you have felt if I hadn't fallen in love with you, though?" she asked.
"I'd have loved you, anyway and been eternally grateful for two weeks alone with you," he answered. "But I have to admit, I like this better."
Willow hung up the phone as Angel entered the living room, tugging a shirt over his shoulders.
"I'm going back to Sunnydale tomorrow to get some of my things," she told him.
He looked at her uneasily, "You don't have to. I can buy you whatever you need."
"There are things there I want, though. Pictures and mementos and my laptop," she explained with a smile. "Cordy's going with me. She wants to pick up a few things she forgot. She's going to drive us."
"I can't go with you," he told her. "I can't go back there, not yet."
"I know," she nodded. "It'll only take a few hours, and then we're heading straight back here."
"Well, maybe you should wait, you know, for just a few days, before you--"
"Angel," she interrupted him, walking over to him and putting her arms around him. "I'm coming back. I promise."
"It's just so soon, and you're going to have to face everybody alone. If you waited a little while, I'd be ready to go with you," he explained.
She took his face in her hands and repeated firmly, "I am coming back to you."
He looked down at her, unconvinced. She smiled warmly at him and echoed the words he had murmured to her only a couple of weeks earlier, "I can't leave you. I need you."
A grin tugged at his lips, "Using my own words against me, little witch?"
She shook her head, "Just making the same promises you made to me. Angel, I love you. I'll come right back with her."
"Okay," he relented and bent to kiss her. "But if you don't, I'll overcome my aversion to going back there so soon, just to come after you."
"I wouldn't put you through that," she said seriously.
"I know you wouldn't. I do trust you, Willow."
"Good, because I want us, and I want L.A., and I want to be here with you. Got it?" she asked.
"Got it," he nodded.
"You know, we just might make it out of Sunnydale without being noticed," Willow said as she packed the last of her things into a suitcase and closed it.
Cordy looked over at her as the redhead struggled with the overstuffed suitcase.
"Unless we end up having to take you the hospital for emergency hernia surgery," she said.
"Uh, yeah," Willow grinned. "Could you just grab that case for me? It has my laptop in it."
She led the way down the stairs and out the front door, setting the deadbolt and leaving her key in the drawer of the little table beside the door.
"What about your parents?" Cordelia asked. "They're going to realize you're gone, sooner or later."
"Probably later, much later," Willow nodded as she hauled the suitcase up into the car trunk. "I'll call from your house and leave a message at their hotel. If that's okay."
"Okay by me," she agreed.
Willow took the laptop from her and walked around to the passenger side of the car. She opened the door as a van pulled in behind them. Cordelia shot Willow a dismal look as Oz got out.
"Hey, you're back," he smiled at her. "I didn't know you were--"
"Um, not back, actually," Willow said quickly. "Just came for--reinforcements."
"You've been gone for two weeks. I've missed you, Willow," Oz told her.
"I thought Cordelia was in Los Angeles with Angel."
"I am," Cordy answered without batting an eye. "Buffy told Angel that Willow had gone to Long Beach. So, I hunted her up when I got there. She's going to stay with me for a couple more weeks."
"She's going back, with you?" Oz asked.
"You know, female bonding stuff," the brunette nodded. "Oh, well, I guess you wouldn't know. She might even check out UCLA while she's there."
Surprised registered on Oz's face as he turned back to Willow. "UCLA?" he asked her. "This is the first I've heard about that."
"I'm just going to check it out. That's all," she told him.
"It beats Sunnydale U. I mean, why settle for fishsticks when you can have caviar?" Cordy said.
"Willow, we really need to talk about this," the werewolf said.
Willow lowered her eyes, "I know. We will. But--"
"But first, she needs some time for herself," Cordelia jumped in.
"We've got to go, Willow. I promised Angel I'd be back by ten."
Willow put her hand on Oz's arm, "I'll call you, okay?"
"Sure, okay," he said reluctantly. "If you decide you want to come back, just let me know. I'll come get you whenever you want."
"Thanks, Oz," she smiled, swallowing against the lump in her throat.
He kissed her softly and gave her a long look before returning to his van and backing out of the driveway.
The two women got in the car, and Willow looked across at Cordelia as she pulled away from the house.
"That was one hell of a performance. I never told Buffy I was going to Long Beach, and I never said anything about UCLA," Willow said
"By the time he finds that out, we'll be long gone. You're going to have to explain everything to him, eventually, but at least you've got an excuse to stay in L.A. until you're ready to tell him."
"Cordy, you're going to win an Oscar some day," Willow smiled.
The insistent buzzing of the doorbell finally broke through Willow's consciousness. She looked at the clock on the stand beside the bed and sighed.
"Three hours of sleep," she muttered to herself. "This had better be good.
As she moved away from Angel's side, he dropped a solid arm over her stomach and mumbled, "No."
"Angel, there's someone at the door," she explained.
"No," he repeated more firmly, though his eyes remained shut.
"Damn vampires. Are you all this grumpy when your sleep is disturbed?" she complained with a grin.
The doorbell once again jarred the silence of the apartment.
"Angel, let go!" she demanded, rolling out from under his arm.
He snarled softly, but she managed to stumble out of the bed before he could regain his grasp on her. She grabbed up her bathrobe and shrugged it on as she yawned and blinked her way out to the living room.
She opened the door to find Cordelia standing impatiently, arms crossed over her chest, one delicate foot tapping on the floor.
"Sorry," Willow said. "I was sleeping."
"I figured as much," Cordy replied stepping past her and into the room.
"Here."
Willow took the lavender colored envelope the brunette held out to her and pulled out the single page letter inside it.
"That's the fourth letter I've gotten from Buffy in three weeks," Cordy told her. "And I've run out of excuses. Willow, if you don't talk to her, you're going to open that door one morning to find her standing there."
Willow's eyes skimmed the contents of the letter, and she raised an eyebrow and looked back up at Cordelia.
"She thinks I'm lying!" she exclaimed indignantly.
"You _are_ lying."
"Well, yeah, but she doesn't have to accuse me of it," Willow replied rather weakly. "Okay. I admit it. I'm a coward."
"So, you're willing to run the risk of Buffy landing on your doorstep? Angel's going to love that little surprise," Cordy warned her.
"I know. I really have to talk to her, don't I?" the redhead asked.
"Yes, you do. I'll go with you if it'll help," she offered.
"She can come here," Angel's voice spoke from the end of the hallway.
"I thought you were sleeping," Willow said.
"The bed suddenly became very cold and empty," he answered. "And I've gotten used to warm and--"
"Please!" Cordelia blurted. "Spare me the details."
"You don't really want Buffy to come here, do you?" Willow asked him.
"Not really, no, but Cordelia's right. You've put this off for two months. It's time, Willow. I'd much rather you dealt with this here, with me, than to have you go off to Sunnydale where she and Oz can corner you alone."
"They wouldn't change my mind," she promised him.
He smiled and left the hallway to put his arms around her, "I know that. This isn't your confrontation, love. It's ours. We'll face it on our own territory. Call her and tell her to come here if she wants to talk."
"You told me you were staying with Cordelia," Buffy said the moment Willow opened the door.
"Actually, Cordelia told Oz I was staying with her," Willow corrected as she followed the slayer and the werewolf into the living room.
"Technicalities," Buffy said. "It's the same lie."
"Okay, you're right. I lied," Willow agreed.
"Can we just sit down and talk about this?" Oz suggested.
Buffy jumped at the gentle swish of the curtains as they drew themselves away from the large terrace windows, revealing the twinkling streetlights that had just come on. She whirled back around as Angel entered from an adjacent room, and they stared at one another for a long moment. He broke the gaze to cross the room, stopping at Willow's side and putting an arm around her waist.
"Is this what you've been doing here?" the slayer asked angrily as her eyes moved from Angel's arm to Willow's eyes.
"Yes," Willow nodded.
"And all the time I've been wondering and worrying about you, you've been here--"
"I told you I was okay," Willow broke in. "I told you there was nothing to worry about."
"I've spoken to you twice since you left town. Twice. On the phone. For a total of ten minutes," Buffy reminded her.
"Willow," Oz spoke from his place on the sofa. "Are you all right?"
"Yes, Oz. I'm fine, really," she nodded.
"And you're happy," he said.
"Very," she answered.
He stood and went to place a gentle kiss on her cheek, "That's good enough for me."
She smiled up at him, "I didn't want to hurt you, Oz. I didn't know how--"
"I know," he said. "I couldn't be happy if you weren't. I pretty much figured out what was going on when you left Sunnydale with Cordelia."
"You did?" she asked.
"Well, I didn't have the whole Angel aspect figured out, but I knew you were making your escape. I was tempted to come after you, but you have to make your own way, which means I have to let go."
"Oh, Oz," she whispered sadly. "I'm so--"
"Don't say it," he said with a smile. "I don't want you to be sorry for trying to find a future."
Angel released his arm from Willow as she hugged Oz in a tight embrace. She drew away from him and looked at Buffy questioningly.
"I'm trying to be understanding about this. I really am," she said. "I guess it doesn't come as easily for me as it does for Oz. You lied to me, both of you. Angel, if I'd had any idea you were leaving Sunnydale because of this--"
"I wasn't, and you know it," Angel told her. "You know exactly why I left Sunnydale, even though you didn't know Willow was a part of it. I was leaving whether Willow agreed to go with me or not. Buffy, you and I hadn't been working for months. We spent countless nights brooding about the way things couldn't be, about all the things we wanted to give each other but knew we never could."
"But you can't give those things to Willow, either," she argued. "You can't--"
She stopped as Angel pulled Willow back to his side.
"Can you?" she asked, her eyes wide.
"There's no clause in the curse Willow performed," Angel told her. "I can."
"You never told me! Why?"
"Because at first, I didn't know. It was weeks before I could talk about any of it, and when I could, I went to Willow. She showed me the curse. I don't think she even realized the clause was missing, and I didn't tell her, not until we were on our way here. And I didn't tell you because I wasn't sure it was what I wanted anymore."
"You had no right to make that decision without telling me!" she shouted.
"No right?" he repeated, his eyes growing darker. "I was the only one who did have that right. It wasn't until I realized even a permanent soul wouldn't be enough, that I decided to keep it from you."
"What do you mean, it wouldn't have been enough? That was the root of the whole problem!"
"No, not really. It was just one of the leaves on a dying plant. You're a slayer. I'm a vampire. Even with a soul, there wasn't much chance for a happy ending to that one. The real problem, the real root, was us. You and me. I might never have faced that if I hadn't landed in hell."
"You can't blame me for that," she told him.
"I don't," he answered. "Buffy, there are things about me that you could never have accepted because of what you are. There are things I could never have shared with you because of what you are. Before I lost my soul, I pushed all that aside. I fooled myself into believing that if I ignored it long enough, it would go away. But it didn't. It never would have. And if you're honest with yourself, you know that, too."
She looked away from him, refusing to answer. "When I was dying, all the feelings I had for Willow, feelings I'd been burying away for months, came floating to the surface."
Buffy's eyes returned to him, "You drank from me! You would have died if I hadn't offered you my blood!"
"Offered me?" he shook his head. "Forced me. Forced me to do something I didn't want to do. Forced me to be something I didn't want to be. I begged you to leave me alone. I begged you not to give me your blood, but you wouldn't listen. Same old pattern. We never would have worked. Can't you see that?"
"So, I'm the selfish bitch here?" she fumed. "That's what you're saying."
"I'm saying you did what you thought you had to, just like you did when you rammed that sword into me. Only this time, you were trying to save me, not destroy me. You were trying to save a lover who didn't love you anymore."
"Because of Willow," Buffy added.
"Because of Willow," he nodded. "I might even have stayed in Sunnydale after you cured me, but I knew I had to make Willow understand how I felt. And I knew you'd never let it go. Everytime you looked at her, she would have felt like a second choice, whether you wanted her to or not. She isn't a second choice. She's the choice I thought I couldn't make."
"Then why lie to me even after you left?" she asked Willow.
"Because I didn't know how to make you understand. I knew I'd hurt you," Willow answered.
"You got that right."
"There it is. It's all about you, again," Angel snarled. "I didn't walk out of hell with dog tags and papers. You didn't own me, Buffy. I didn't give myself to Willow because I wanted to hurt you. Nobody wanted to hurt you, but sometimes I think hurting you is the only way to get through to you."
"I can't listen to this anymore," Buffy snapped. "Oz, we're leaving." Oz watched as Buffy stomped to the door and flung it open.
"Huh. And I was just beginning to like L.A." He smiled over at Willow,
"She'll cool down, eventually. I think."
"I hope," Willow replied.
"Don't worry about it. Just be happy."
"I am," she nodded. "Can we keep in touch?"
"Hey, I'll be hitting you up to sleep on your sofa when the band suddenly decides to book some gigs in L.A."
"I might even let you use the guest room," she giggled.
"I promise not to shed all over the sheets," he said and gave her a quick kiss before he headed for the door. "You'll be seeing me."
"Are you okay?" Angel asked Willow after Oz had gone.
"I think so. I knew that was going to be hard, but--"
"I know." he nodded. "You know what I'd like to do now?"
"What?"
"Concentrate on us. Starting right about here," he answered, as his mouth covered hers.
By the time Oz stopped along the curb outside Buffy's house, she had lapsed into morose silence.
"Buffy, I know how much you loved Angel, but it isn't the end of the world," he said gently. "He still cares about you. They both do. He isn't the only happiness you'll ever have. He really hasn't been your happiness for a long time, now."
"I know."
The tears that watered her voice surprised the werewolf, and he turned to look at her.
"I was awful back there," she lamented. "If they didn't think of me as a bitch before, they do now."
"I doubt that," he replied.
She laughed bitterly, "Right. There I stood, yelling like a lunatic about how they should have been straight with me, telling them I'm not too selfish to understand. And all the while I'm screeching, I'm proving their point. They must hate me."
"You're being too hard on yourself," he told her. "Besides, Willow's far too loyal to hate you."
"Was," she corrected. "I lost an ex-boyfriend and a best friend all in less than an hour."
"You haven't lost anything, unless you've decided to give them up."
Her eyes finally met his, "I should call her."
"Later," he stated as he restarted the van.
"Where are we going?" she asked in surprise.
"Ice cream run," he grinned. "If you're going to spend the night crying, I'm going to need reinforcements."
"You mean you'd--" her voice broke as she smiled through her tears.
"And Kleenex," he added.
"And a movie?" she asked.
"And a movie," he nodded, pulling away from the house.
Willow was so absorbed in the delicious sensations Angel's lips were creating as they traveled along her breasts, it took four rings from the bedside telephone before the sound registered in her brain.
"Telephone," she murmured, pushing Angel away.
"Don't answer it," he ordered and returned his mouth to its former position.
"It might be important," she insisted, struggling more insistently under him as the phone continued to ring.
"As if I care," he argued.
She pushed him off of her and quickly reached out to grab up the phone.
"Buffy!" she said, giving the vampire who had wrapped himself back around her a warning stare.
"Don't talk, Willow. Just listen for a minute," Buffy requested from the other end of the line.
"Okay," she agreed, attempting to shrug Angel's mouth from her shoulder.
"I'm sorry," the slayer continued. "I'm really sorry, Will. Everything you said was totally right. I was only thinking about myself. I want you to be happy. I want both of you to be happy."
Willow swallowed a gasp as Angel's cold hand trailed up her inner thigh and brushed against her folds. She clutched at his wrist and tried to pull it away from her, but he brought his other hand to hers and held it firmly. He looked at her and chuckled at the frustrated glare she gave him, and he leaned in to nibble her uncovered earlobe as his thumb began a teasing dance across her clit. She bit on her lip to suppress a cry, and Angel put his arm firmly around her, pinning her in place.
"I can hardly blame you for not wanting to tell me," Buffy was saying, and Willow struggled to listen. "You were afraid I'd be angry and hurt, and I was."
"Buffy, I underst--" her words were cut off as Angel's finger delved into her wet channel.
Somewhere in the back of her mind, she was relieved to hear Buffy interrupt her.
"No, let me finish," she insisted. "Angel was right. Things were falling apart long before he decided to leave. Even if he had stayed, even if he hadn't fallen in love with you, it never would have worked for us, for all the reasons he said and for a lot more he didn't say."
"Mmmm," Willow whispered as Angel's fingers worked their magic inside her.
The vampire leaned her back against the headboard and straddled her, withdrawing his fingers to replace them with his erect shaft. She looked at him, frantically shaking her head. The strong grip on her free hand and the weight of his body on hers made escape impossible, and he lowered his head to place a tender kiss on her lips. Buffy's words faded back into her hearing, "So, I hope you can forgive me. Not that I deserve it, but we've been friends for so long, Willow. I don't want to lose that, not for anything."
"We'll always be friends, the best," the redhead managed to say as Angel's gentle thrusts began to grow harder.
She arched her back up from the pillows, and Angel captured a pink, hard nipple between his lips and laved at it.
"Will you explain to Angel for me? Is he there?" she asked.
"He's here," Willow said breathlessly.
Angel chuckled once more and brought his fingers back to the sensitive nub between her legs.
"Thanks, Will. I love you. I'll talk to you later, okay?"
"Yes," Willow hissed. If Buffy noticed the strange tone in her friend's voice, she had the grace not to say so.
"Bye, Willow."
"Bye, Buffy. I love you, too."
The slayer hung up, and Willow dropped the receiver over the side of the bed as she moaned and hauled Angel's body down to hers.
"That was just mean," she said between breaths.
"You're friends again?" he asked, tracing her jawline with his mouth.
"Yeah. Talk later, okay?"
He covered her mouth with his, and her body quickly found his rhythm. Their tongues met in a dance of passion before a growl rumbled from Angel's chest. His fingers pinched her clit as he emptied his seed inside her, and Willow screamed his name as her body trembled and her walls clamped around him.
"Oh, Angel," she whispered as he lowered his body down to cover hers.
"Don't ever do that to me again."
"I don't know. I kind of liked it," he grinned wickedly.
"You would," she giggled, nipping playfully at his lips.
He kissed her firmly and pulled her over on top of him. She snuggled into his embrace as he stroked her back tenderly.
"So, Buffy's feeling better about us?" he asked softly.
Willow nodded and looked up into his eyes, "She apologized. I'm glad. I wouldn't have let you go, even if she hadn't. But I would have been sad to have lost her friendship."
Angel raised an eyebrow as Willow's eyes suddenly widened. "What?" he asked.
"I just realized," she began. "If I'm not mistaken, I think I heard Oz in the background when Buffy and I were talking."
"You think? Having a little difficulty concentrating, were you?" he asked with a mischievous grin.
"You really think you're cute, don't you?" she responded.
"Am I?" he asked.
"Gorgeous," she nodded and raised her head to receive his kiss. "I'm sure it was Oz. You don't think Buffy and he are--"
"I hope so. Let him shed all over _her_ sheets," Angel answered.
"Angel," Willow's voice carried a note of warning.
"Yes, love," he replied, all innocence.
"I love you," she whispered and dropped a kiss on his muscled chest.
The End
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