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Plagued--Why Us? Series - Pineapples? -- by Ruby
Rating: PG-13
Description: Beware anonymous gifts, sequel to Dive-Bomb.
Note: Dedication -- For Abatha217, who suggested PINEAPPLES?!?:-)
Disclaimer: Joss owns all.
Willow knocked on the door for the third time and waited another minute before turning to descend the porch steps. She whirled back around as the door behind her opened.
"I thought you must have gone out," she said to the blonde vampire standing in the doorway.
Spike held out his hand to her, and she took it and stepped inside.
"It was tonight I was supposed to come over, wasn't it? Is this a bad time?" she asked.
"No," he smiled and pulled her into his arms to kiss her. "I was just busy."
"Oh! Well, I can come back another--"
Her offer was interrupted by his lips once again descending on hers. "Come on. I'll show you what I was doing," he told her.
She followed Spike into the kitchen and looked around the room and then up at him.
"Pineapples?" she asked, stepping over to the table, which was literally covered with them.
"Three crates of them," he answered. "Left on my doorstep while I was sleeping today."
"Who sent them?" she inquired.
"I don't know. Why would anyone who knows me send me pineapples?"
"Good question. Maybe they were delivered to the wrong address," she suggested.
"There was no address on any of the crates. I even dumped them all out, just to make sure there wasn't a note buried down inside one of them."
"Strange," she murmured with a shrug. "Well, come on, I'll help you pick them up."
Spike shoved an empty crate toward her and grabbed up another for himself. He started on the counters, which were also laden with the fruit, while Willow began cleaning off the table. Suddenly, Willow squealed, and the vampire dropped the pineapple he was holding and hurried around the table to her. She had three fingers of her right hand in her mouth, and he gently pulled it away from her lips to discover her fingertips were dotted with several drops of blood from where she had grabbed a pineapple from the table.
"That must have been one hell of a prickly pineapple," he stated as he drew her hand to his mouth and licked the blood from her fingers.
A strangely warm shiver went through the redhead's body, and she pulled her hand away and bent to pick up the pineapple she had dropped on the floor. She lifted it by its leafy top, and the bottom broke free and landed at her feet. Spike leaned down and carefully retrieved it.
"This pineapple is hollow," he announced, placing it on the table.
Willow looked down into the hollowed-out fruit and reached inside to pull out a scrap of paper that had been stuffed inside. She unfolded the wet, sticky note.
"Not all that seems sweet is safe," she read.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Spike asked.
"I don't know, but I really think we need to get these out of here," she answered.
"You're frightened--of pineapples," he said, grinning at her.
"Do the words frog and crow mean anything to you?" she snapped.
"Right," he nodded immediately. "We'll get rid of the pineapples."
"We can take them to the food bank," Willow said as Spike set the third crate on the sidewalk that led up to his door.
"We can take them to the dumpster out back," he replied.
"Why waste them? Just because you don't have to eat, doesn't mean no one else has to, either."
"Fine. Whatever. We'll have to take them in the car," he told her.
They each took one of the three crates and headed for Spike's car in the parking lot, and Willow waited while Spike went back for the third crate. He returned a few seconds later and balanced the crate on one knee while he pulled open the car door. Dozens of pineapples cascaded out onto the pavement, and the vampire landed on top of them, spilling the contents of the crate he was holding all over himself.
"Who the bloody hell filled my bloody car with bloody pineapples?" he bellowed.
"Oh, Goddess," Willow spoke between giggles. "Are you okay?"
"What's so bloody funny?" he growled.
"You are!" she answered and burst out laughing as another pineapple tumbled out of the car and hit Spike on the head. "Oh, Spike, I'm sorry."
"Sure you are," he grumbled, but his lips curled into a grin as she dropped the crate she was holding and reached down to help him up onto his feet.
They looked through the open door into the car. "Front and back seats, both. Filled to the top. Why?" Willow wondered.
Spike shook his head and took her hand, pulling her out of the way before he carefully opened the back door, allowing the pineapples to spill out onto the ground. The couple stood speechless, taking in the sight of the fruit that covered the floor of his car and the parking lot around them.
Willow jumped and latched onto Spike's arm as one of the pineapples at their feet suddenly exploded, raining pieces of fruit and sticky juice down on them. Another pineapple followed suit, and in an instant the rest of the pineapples began to explode around them. Spike glanced into the DeSoto just long enough to see yellow chunks and gooey juice bursting from the pineapples and coating the interior of the car. He managed to stay upright as he grabbed Willow's hand and pulled her away from the vehicle. They stood at the edge of the parking lot, drenched in juice and with chunks of fruit clinging to their hair and clothes, and watched the pineapples bursting into the air and coming down over the asphalt and the car. When the explosions finally ceased, not a single pineapple remained intact.
"Well, that was...interesting," Willow said in utter astonishment.
"What do we do now?"
The vampire looked down at her and arched an eyebrow, "This is all your fault, you know."
"My fault!" she shouted indignantly. "Why is it my fault?"
"You were the one who insisted we take the damned things to the food bank. Look at my car!" he snarled. "You're in trouble, little one, big trouble."
Willow swallowed hard and forced herself to meet his eyes, "I am?"
"You are. I'm taking you back inside and punishing you."
"P-punishing m-me?" she squeaked, her eyes large and frightened.
"That's right," he nodded. "And you're going to lay perfectly still while I lick every last drop of juice off your naked body."
Willow giggled as a smile snaked across the handsome vampire's face and his eyes twinkled with amusement.
"Okay," she nodded eagerly. "And then do I get to punish you? After all, you were the one who listened to me."
"Oh, absolutely," he grinned wolfishly and bent to lick a piece of pineapple off her cheek.
The End
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